Delving into my spam (junk) folder

Email-spam-filter

Millions of emails are sent everyday, actually maybe even more… hold on I’ll check. Oh okay I wasn’t even close, 205 billion emails a day wow. 2.4 million per second and this was in 2015. So I’m sat here and had nothing to write, zero inspiration and pointlessly going through emails and saw 416 spam emails. So here I am, and you are here too.. we’re about to go down this rabbit hole of lottery wins, Viagra and brides you can buy online probably.

So lets begin (if any images are blurry just click on them)

Nothing interesting here, someone sending me a private message saying she likes taking orders. It has a name, someone called Sarah so 100% legitimate. I’ll have sweet n sour tofu with chicken chow mein pls.

Well it didn’t take long did it, before we come across our first make money scheme. Surely they can afford a better whiteboard or some laptops if they’re making 13k every 24 hours. Why exactly 24 hours, what happens if it’s 1 minute over? What happens to the formula? The most annoying thing about this email is the idiot taking the photo didn’t tell him to sort out the left arm of his blazer.

Well well well, the fucking CEO of HSBC emailing me saying I’ve got a million dollars owed to me. He’s even warned me about scammers and people trying to get my money! Bastards how dare they! Even Google are at it! Putting this email in my junk folder trying to stop me from getting what’s mine. But by doing this blog post I’ve fucked it cause he said for security reasons I’m not allowed to tell anyone until the cash has been delivered to my doorstep, cash?!?! My mattress isn’t big enough. And before any of you jealous types try and convince me this is fake, look at the address. If they went to the effort of researching an address it’s legit enough for me.

Your dicks going soft because you’re having too much of your 5 a day, it’s a good job this email didn’t get to the Daily Mail. They’d be saying it causes cancer too now (your morals will get cancer if you read that rubbish btw).

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Ever watched the Apprentice? I can imagine them trying to come up with a name for a testing company ‘finders keepers? nah mate testers keepers’ *Claude Littner rolls his eyes so much he dies* Always wanted a Dyson but my mum wouldn’t be too happy about it, we’ve always been a Henry Hoover household.

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I’m listening to ‘get home happy!’ Spotify playlist and 1975 has just come on, not happy. Sorry but I just can’t stand these fuckers, who would have thought a band from Manchester would sound like them.

Her whole body is shaking apparently, meaning she’s having palpitations or a panic attack. You’ll do whatever I want? Go to A&E. But yeah tinder? Nah, that’s the ONLY site that will get you a girl.

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I don’t understand why you’d spam everyone with an email saying ‘what can you teach me’ in Spanish.

Right so apparently someone tried to steal money I don’t have and now homeland security want to give it back to me? Well that has made my day.

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:/

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Imagine being so beautiful that even Gmail thinks you’re too stunning to show

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The saddest thing about this is, there are people out there who actually fall for this garbage.

Well I certainly didn’t expect Irine’s message about ‘wanting to feel me all over her body’ to make me feel sorry for people who take the bait.

My new neighbours popped over to say hi whilst I was writing this, they’re really nice.

I’ve also eaten half a sandwich during this post too.

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Now her body is shaking too??? We’ve got an epidemic on our hands here.

btw the spotify playlist is now playing ‘dancing in the moonlight’ tune

 

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