If you know me and you’re reading the title, you’re probably laughing already at how ironic this is (and if you don’t know me personally, inside joke sorry).
I’ve compiled a list as I like lists, which takes me to the first one.
I don’t know what you should make lists of but it might actually work, make a bucket list? Who cares if you actually do it or not. The thought of doing those things will improve your mood, and divert attention from your miserable fucking life. I just thought sounding that harsh would sound funny. Well I laughed as I wrote that, but I find myself funny.
Listen to country music
Now it’ll either make you happy because you like it or because you’ll cringe so much, laugh a bit and then kill yourself. But atleast you can’t be unhappy if you’re dead? (don’t kill yourself).
Download tinder or go on Facebook
It’ll make you feel better about yourself.
Add DJ Khaled on Snapchat
Love him or hate him, he’s full of motivational jibber jabber. His username is djkhaled305.
Exercise / go for a run
Even if you’re a lazy person, just do any form of exercise, it releases some chemicals or something which relieves stress and will probably make you feel a lot better. I may have made that all up but I think it’s the same one as when you consume chocolate or sex, well not consume sex. Okay just do all 3, well you could sexercise and eat chocolate after?
Netflix and grill
Find something to watch on netflix, take your laptop to the kitchen and make something, the food will serve as a replacement for a human. Well if you do have company don’t eat them because… well you can sexually but not with a knife and fork.
Real estate dreams
Look at apartments you’ll never be able to afford, like this one here. Also click here to see the “Top 20 World Most Beautiful Living Spaces”.
I’m watching UFC as I write and this guy has a tattoo sleeve on his leg, stupidest thing i’ve ever seen. He also has So Cal written on his chest and palm trees near his stomach, I guess he’s been punched in the head too much.
Buy a lotto / euromillions ticket
Money can’t buy happiness, but it can make you happier which is good enough for me. So buy a lotto ticket, and a ageing machine. Because it’s always older people who win ffs. And if you think lottery is for mugs, I won a lucky dip the other day so shut up.
I don’t care what you eat, just eat. Eating is comforting and it will help, if you’ve got no food just eat your phone. Knowing people nowadays, being unhappy probably has something to do with something on it so you’d kill two birds with one stone.
Now I don’t condone drowning yourself in alcohol if you’re unhappy, but it will work. Make a cup of tea, or coffee. Whatever your preference, it’ll make you feel warm inside.
If you’re broke obviously this is a problem, well it’s a problem anyway as you don’t want to constantly do this. Maybe go on eBay and look for something pointless and get a bargain. Like an old CD, gameboy or something?
Plan your next trip
Whether you’re planning on travelling the world or going on a little road trip, just completely get into that mindset and look for things to do and places to eat etc. It’s distracting and productive at the same time.
Don’t go to sleep after reading that, to be fair this post is pretty boring so it probably already has put you to sleep. Anyways, have a ROUTINE. Make sure you get enough sleep, and also if you’re like me and you don’t get much sleep, or even if you do. Get this app, it’s called Sleep Cycle. I’m sure there’s a free alternative and it’s available on android probably. It wakes you up when you’re not in a deep sleep, so you wake up feeling more refreshed than knackered. Sounds a bit gimmicky but it works for me.
Read / listen
Now if you don’t fancy immersing yourself in a novel, or well if you just don’t read books. Why not try an audiobook or podcast? Reddit and Listverse are two other websites which are really good distractions.
Why aren’t you happy?
In all seriousness, ask yourself why. If it’s to do with a person, fuck them. Not literally, but fuck what people think. If someone is the reason you’re sitting there being unhappy, do you think they’re sitting there thinking about you being unhappy too? no. Do you think Penguins just sit there in the cold all day worrying about being unhappy? wait, are they sitting or standing? i’ll google that after i’ve written this. Anyways, do you know what’s cool? ice.
If you feel like human interaction and talking about it will help, and you don’t have any one you can talk to. The samaritans offer a great service, they’re fully confidential and i’ve known so many people who have used them. There’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. http://www.samaritans.org/
If you have any suggestions, put them in the comments below. I’ll add more to this post as I think of more.